


Information Superhighway

by orphan_account



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Clickbait, Cosplay, F/M, I might write more we haven't even gotten to FRED, I'm on a horse and his name is Chantelle, Marco suffers, Memes, Memes of my early teens and late childhood, Summoning, The Duck Song, The Moreos Guy, There's Starco trash, They are so domestic tho, gotta love Charlie the Unicorn, i'm on a horse, just a little, oh and those copy and paste horror stories, or Charlie the Unicorn, sims, where do I even fecking start?, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:33:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6083010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Star discovers the internet. A little later than most.<br/>Marco suffers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Information Superhighway

**Author's Note:**

> I'm supposed to be writing my serious, poetic, Star Wars AU.
> 
> Hahaha yeah.
> 
> Nah here have some memes, 2011 me called and was like "here's that parody of Baby, have fun" and I ended up reliving my earlier internet days.
> 
> Now you can too.

There are three things you learn when you have a curious but inexperienced interdimensional princess living with you. 

Three undeniable rules.

  1.  Expect the unexpected, if it can happen (and even if it can't) it will. So always, always, be prepared. Remember your six months spent in Boy Scouts in fourth grade, before the scout leader confided in your parents that although your first aid skills were magnificent, he wasn't sure packing a hazmat suit for a campout was entirely necessary, even with the possibility of nuclear waste after that earthquake. And maybe an after school activity encouraging self-confidence and defense might be a better idea before sending you out among the world. Which is why you were only in Boy Scouts for six months in fourth grade. Still, be prepared.
  2. Forget the confinement of normalacy. Normal is no longer a thing. If a thing happening is not normal, that is normal. That is to say Abnormal is the new Normal. If it is normal, it's probably not normal, do you understand? No? Good, that's normal.
  3. **DO NOT,** under any circumstances, leave her unsupervised in a room with the internet in easy access. Ever. No exceptions.



So to reiterate, if you find youself living in the same house with an interdimensional princess.

 **Step 1:** Follow these three simple rules. Especially the third one.

"Hey Marco, did you know Chantelle is a horse?"

Failed Step 1.

* * *

Marco walked home briskly in the afternoon sun, blissful and carefree as any young fellow should be. Returning joyously to his happy abode after a delightful afternoon of arcade antics with Alfonzo and Ferg. An afternoon straight out of a normal freshman boy's life. Which might seem mediocre to most, but was practically miraculous to him. Normal was not normal in his life any longer. So normalacy in any manner was thoroughly appreciated by him nowadays.

A few months previous he would have worries about leaving his Best Friend, the interdimensional exchange student and space princess to her own devices for more than a few hours. Yet, he felt assured Star had settled into Earth well enough he would only be mildly surprised to whatever met him when he came home. 

 However, he was mistaken.

Opening his back door expectantly ready to be crushed in a trademark hug of suprising strength from such a small frame (not that he, you know was _eager_ or anything). He found the house suspiciously quiet.

"Star, I'm home!" He called out, without a trace of irony _._

Okay so maybe she didn't have to tackle him with uh, _'friendship'_ every time he had been away for an entire day. Or be waiting eagerly for his return with Chinese food and a movie in some sort of situation that screamed domestic bliss. 

"Star?" His call became tinged with uncertainly.

Maybe she was studying in her room (math or magic, both were equally confusing), so caught up in the boring complexities of something he could spend the evening sorting out with her with a few minor breaks in between. For good measure.

Yet, her room was empty, the door left open wide almost in haste.

"Star?" Panic rising now.

Going over the layout of his empty house completely he found it to be just that, empty, and he also found Mrs. Diaz in the Garden Shed, welding together the fireplace poker Star had damaged last week during a suprise Dragon attack.

"Mom, have you seen Star?"

"Not since lunch, but I'm sure she's around, she would have told me if she planned on going too far."

"I know that's why I'm worried."

Mrs. Diaz just looked knowingly at an invisible camera like she was on _the Office._

* * *

 "Star?" The call was getting frantic.

Marco was about to make a search of the neighborhood. He had made it just to the edge of his front yard as he passed by the mailbox.

 "STA-oof!" 

"IS IT HERE?" The princess cried emerging inexplicably from the confines of the postbox.

At least Marco got his tackle, not so much the hug.

"STAR?!?"

"Marco? You're home? _You're_ not the mailman! Have you seen him?"

"You've been in the _mailbox_ the entire time?"

"Yes, ever since like noon. Didja know I am the GRAND PRIZE WINNER? I won a vacation to a timeshare in the Bahamas, wherever that is, I gave them our address and the tickets are on their way!"

Her eyes shown happily, and he hated to break the news.

"Have you been using my laptop again?"

 "Yes."

* * *

 "So this is the Bahamas?"

The restaurant was called _the Bahamas,_ it wasn't a total lie. The lie was that Marco could afford it.

"Yep."

"AMAZING."

"And luckily it was so close we didn't have to travel."

It was worth it.

* * *

 The fire chief rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly, early retirement had never seemed so appealing until recently.

"Now then Mr. Diaz, can you please explain again, why you and Miss Butterfly are hosting a bonfire in the middle of the night?"

"We didn't realize there was a burn ban, chief." Marco hastily began apologetically.

"We had to burn all of my stuffed animals sir, before they turned evil." Star put in _reasonably._ "They were plotting to murder me in my sleep since I didn't copy and paste the story of poor little Bernadette to twelve other forums."

The fire chief looked between the two teens with a sigh.

"So Marco helped me build a fire pit."

Chief Rodriguez placed a hand on the boys shoulder,

"I want to retire in 15 years, can you please wait till then to have any kids? That's all I ask, is that I won't be in charge when they burn your house down."

Star's look was confused, while Marco's was redder than his hoodie, which at that moment was being worn by Star, to protect from the chilly night air.

"I'll let you two off with a warning, and I ask that you, young lady, take the internet with a grain of salt."

From the retreating light of the firetrucks Star pondered the chief's words

"Is that why people on the internet say other people are so _'salty'?"_

"Mhmm, c'mon Star, let's get some sleep." He yawned and led her inside.

"I don't want to be salty."

* * *

 A scream of despair echoed through the Diaz house breaking the tranquility of another early evening.

Marco rushed to the source in anxiety to find her crumpled in tears on her pillow.

"Star! Star? What's wrong? What happened?"

"He's dead Marco!"

This was met with a calmer reaction than would be expected.

"Who is?"

_"Sidney."_

"Oh, Star, I-I'm so sorry." he wrapped a reasuring arm around his best friend as her tears fell heavily.

"I w-watched him grow up, from a baby! His birth, his childhood, I raised him. His parents did _nothing_ for him, I was there for him. Then I watched him fall in love, get married, go on his honeymoon. And then the birth of his child! And now he's dead, he's gone! He was so young!"

"Star, Star, it's okay, he may be gone, but you still have all those memories."

"But it's my fault! It's my fault he died, I-I sold the pool ladder to buy pizza! I didn't realize he was in there! And then he drowned. Sank, slowly, horribly." 

She pointed distraughtedly at the screen of Marco's laptop where the Sims grim reaper had come to take away _'Sidney'._

"It was an honest mistake Star. Besides you had to feed Zorvek, Sidney would have wanted his son to be fed. Right?" He looked her in the eyes with a soft smile.

"Right, I have to go on, for Zorvek." She nodded.

"For Zorvek." He agreed.

"And look at him Marco, isn't he cute? He looks like you with my eyes."

They both admired the digital child as proud parents do.

Marco just let that statement settle in as he texted Alfonzo and Ferguson to invite them to Sidney's memeorial.

* * *

 "Pizza Hut delivery?"

"Yep, that'll be $10.80"

"But I didn't order pizza."

"I think your girlfriend did."

A blushing Marco stood in the doorframe confusedly about to protest but thought better of it. He called up the stairs.

"Star! Did you order pizza?"

_"Yes! I'll pay you back, thanks!"_

Marco sighed and pulled out his cash.

"You've got it bad man. Literally."

"It's not like that."

"Mhmm..." The pizza guy was skeptical.

As soon as Marco shut the door behind him the doorbell rang again.

"Well this is awkward."

The Pizza Hut guy now stood next to a Dominos pizza guy.

**_"Star!"_ **

_"Yes?"_ Her voice floated downstairs.

"We're not having a gladiator style fight between Pizza guys!"

Both pizza guys blanched.

 _"Oh I_   _didn't even think of that, but I'm_  _totally saving that one."_

**"STAR."**

Dominos looked at Pizza Hut.

"He's got it bad." Pizza Hut said in explanation.

Marco sighed, exasperated.

"That'll be $9.70."

Marco pulled out his emergency stash and took the second pizza as a third car pulled up announcing Papa John's.

"I've only read about things like this on the internet." Said Papa John's pizza girl. 

* * *

Marco often questioned his sanity and life choices. It was a habit that had made itself quite common in recent months. He did so now as he carried a grand total of five pizzas up to Star's room where his presence was requested moments before.

"I'm _kinkshaming."_ Being the last words from Papa John's.

He found Star positioning candles in a circle around a newly drawn Pie-like pentagram on her floor. 

She looked up with a smile.

"Good, that's every pizza delivery in town. Now we just need to position them, light the candles and say the chant."

"I'm really scared to ask, but I have to."

"We're summoning Tumblr user Pizza."

"That's why I was afraid to ask."

"And he deleted his account."

"Star, let me invite our friends over and we'll play Smash and eat all this pizza."

And after three unsuccessful attempts they did just that.

* * *

 "I brought the bulk Oreos you asked for, Star." Janna grinned in her Janna sort of way. "When do we start this sacrifice?"

Marco shook his head knowingly.

"We're not sacrificing bulk Oreos to summon the _Moreos_ guy, Star."

* * *

"Star, do we _have_ to do this?"

"Marco, do you _have_ to ask?"

Marco sighed and again reevaluated his life choices as he found himself following the girl down the sidewalk.

"Plus, you know you look _really_ cute."

A hard price to pay.

"Uhh thanks, though if any one saw me like this..."

Papa John's drove by as if on cue. Rolled down her window and smiled.

"Aren't you two adorable?"

Star thanked her sweetly as she finished her thought.

"I'm _still_ kinkshaming."

* * *

The clerk at the local Slurp and Shop should have been surprised. It wasn't everyday that a couple of teenagers came into the store cosplaying as ducks. 

It wasn't everyday, just every Wednesday.

Star tugged Marco to the counter making some very convincing eyes towards her best friend.

"Come on Marco, please?"

The cleark just shook her head and tried unsuccessfully to cover her smile.

Marco gave one last sigh. 

_And said to the woman running the store..._

 "Hey,"

 _"Bum bum bum."_ Star whispered in the backround.

"Got any grapes?"

**Author's Note:**

> I might write more, because memes of the past are lovely, like the Onceler fandom. Imagine.
> 
> I just realized this is almost a Star Vs version of Doof's Daily Dirt. So I'm kinda proud.


End file.
